After all, there seems to be an unspoken rule that such drama is best avoided. But recent life events involving my best friend and my ex-husband have taken me by surprise. Last summer, my best friend, Nina, said she had something important to tell me. When I arrived at her place, she asked me to sit down for the news. I obliged, feeling like a patient about to receive a terminal diagnosis. Silently, Nina took her seat opposite me. I caught a twinge of apprehension in her gray eyes as she tried to read my face.
Can you ever be best friends with an ex?
Whether or not you believe your situation is an exception, you should always talk to your friend before making any crucial decisions. Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start dating her ex. On the other hand, it may matter to your friend or even yourself, so tread carefully if that’s the path you’re choosing to take.
The unspoken rules of girl code imply that it’s basically never OK to date your friend’s ex, especially your best friend’s former boyfriend.
I always thought break-ups were simple affairs. Much better to take a practical approach: delete their number, block their social media accounts and purge their leftover belongings from your home. He was my best friend. We grew up together in Sydney and had one of those freakishly close relationships that only really develop during childhood. We shared everything: from school gossip to family problems.
He was the first person I came out to, and I was his. We started going out in our mid-twenties when he moved back to Sydney after several years away. The relationship was, well, complicated.
Sex expert Tracey Cox reveals the questions to ask before you dating your friend’s ex
TWO years ago, my husband and I split up because I fell for someone else. He kept the family home and I moved in with my new man. It was all a bit messy at first, but eventually everything settled down and he came to terms with it. I thought everyone was getting along OK, but last week one of my closest friends told me that she and my husband have been seeing each other. She also went on to say that they were planning for her to move into my old family home.
I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say.
Your buddies ex girlfriend never looked so good. Have you known him or her as your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse? I’m feeling drawn to get closer to him or her and I’m concerned about how you feel about that.
But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock. Woman apologizing after an argument iStock. Furthermore, Dr. Friends making a toast iStock. Beginning the discussion with your friend might be scary, at first.
However, how you ask will make all the difference. According to Fabrega, once you decide to proceed in getting closer to this person, try following these tips when having the conversation with your friend:.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to receive weekly articles that might help you during and after your divorce! I seriously felt like I was going to go insane. Here was a woman who I thought was my good girlfriend. We had gotten together a few times and I had told her things—personal things about my ex and our relationship, why I was getting divorced, etc.
You can say something like, “I just wish that you and Maron would have told me that you were thinking about dating so I could prepare myself. I’m still not over him.
Here are some examples:. Her tits were so unreal, they were like something out of an anime cartoon. Trust is the backbone of a great friendship or relationship and if you break it, the relationship comes crashing down. It ruined me for years, but I eventually picked myself off the floor and transformed myself into the man I am today. However, if a friend wanted her shortly after she dumped me, I would no longer consider him a true friend.
If your friend married a woman, then he most-likely really loved her. So, if you really love your friend, you will try hard to steer clear of his wife and hook up with other women. If you feel as though your friend needs help meeting new women, feel free to suggest that he visit my site and learn from me. The best way to tell him is to just be straight about it.
Just be matter of fact about it. Just be real, honest and relaxed about it. Is it because you and her are a perfect match, or is it because you fear putting yourself out there to meet a new woman like most guys do? Then one night, you go out to dinner or drinks with your friend and his ex-girlfriend who is now your girl.
10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Decide To Date a Friend’s Ex
Dear Carolyn: About 20 years ago, my husband and I befriended this other couple. We were all recently married then. The husbands had a falling out seven years ago and we all stopped speaking. She particularly shunned me after their argument, which had nothing to do with me or her. I felt pretty sad but moved on. Fast forward to when I was divorced for one year and they were separated and in divorce proceedings.
Is dating a friend’s ex always the backstabbing and thoughtless move we do to another—right up there with sleeping with a married man or refusing my ex a few years after we broke up and I was fine with it, because I’m in.
While it’s natural to jump to conclusions and assume the worst if your partner is friends with their ex , it’s important to keep in mind that many people remain friends after a breakup — in a perfectly healthy, mature, and respectable way. That’s not to say, though, that all friendships are healthy, or that all exes remain in contact for the right reasons.
So, if something doesn’t feel right, be sure to speak up. Do they hang out with you? Do you feel respected? Are there clear and healthy boundaries? If so, their friendship is likely nothing to worry about. If you feel bad, though, there may be a reason why. Here are a few times it’s OK for your partner to be friends with their ex , and other times when it may not be, according to experts.
If your partner shares mutual friends with their ex, the two of them may make the decision to remain friends — especially if they run into each other fairly regularly. And as long as everyone’s OK with it, then this type of friendship can be perfectly healthy. It may be a good idea, however, for you to become a part of the group as well. If your partner and their ex were really great friends before they started dating, they’ll likely want to eventually go back to being friends.
Do I tell my friend I’m dating her ex?
Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. Communication is vital if maintaining the friendship is important to you.
If you have been dating long enough or even married, friends actually become mutual and one In this article we will tell you how to best approach such a situation and what you can do to quickly I’m Jealous Of My Ex and I Don’t Know Why.
Last Updated: September 1, References. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed , times. Breakups can be tough. Feelings of jealousy, self-consciousness, sadness, and anger are prevalent in such an emotionally-charged situation.
To deal when your ex dates your friend, talk to your friend so you can work through your emotions and maintain your friendship without feeling sad or angry. However, avoid telling your friend that they can’t date your ex since this might feel like an ultimatum and could ruin your relationship. To learn how to distance yourself from your friend for a while, keep reading!
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